Tag: Funny

The Dating Game

frogs PhotoPeople are a bastard and dating is a bastard. So far of the 7 billion people on this great big spinning ball of shite I have only found, say 6 or so, that I am able to tolerate for any period of time. Two of them were on life support and I just had to sit with them and hold their hand. Even that became mildly annoying because I couldn’t reach out and eat the Milk Tray sitting just feet away; still, one moves on. It feels like I have dated all 7 billion people and on that front, I have not found a single one that cuts the mustard. The closest I came to finding my perfect partner was the one who was sporting a grand collection of customer loyalty cards; Starbucks, McDonald’s, Burton’s Menswear, Easy Jet you name it there was a points and bonus card for it. But I had ideas above my station and I had the audacity to want more.

Dating is a bastard and people are a bastard. Here I am. Single. My only hope for finding a partner is the post-Christmas and New Year break-ups. Well, let’s be honest at that time of the year there is an influx of new stock on to the dating circuit.  The broken hearts are rich pickings for us long-term singletons. Dating sites are replenished with rejected partners whose Christmas presents didn’t live up to expectation or whose New Year drinking excesses bought out a little in vino veritas that wasn’t welcome.

I’ll let you know how it all goes, this is one thing froggy isn’t so knowledgeable about.

Frogs Awaaaaaaaay!

Sentence drinkers to transportation to Gabon

clear glass beer mug filled with beer

The time has come to make alcohol less accessible. Let’s save our children, families, property, streets, hospitals and emergency services from the pressures of alcohol use. For too long have we turned a blind eye to the problems generated by alcohol use and misuse. The price of alcohol should triple in cost per unit in the UK. This includes alcohol sold in pubs and clubs and restaurants and supermarkets. Individuals should need to apply for an alcohol license if they wish to be able to legally purchase and consume alcohol. On application they can be checked; their age, background and any criminal tendencies. If the application is successful a microchip alcohol passport would be issued allowing holders to purchase and consume alcohol.

Stiffer penalties for alcohol (and drug misuse generally) should be imposed including but not limited to transportation of convicts to Gabon.

Froggy knows!

Blackpool the new capital of the UK!

What do you think of when you think of London? Expensive? Crowds? Stress? Miserable old Buckingham Palace? Dreary old Big Ben in scaffold clattering away it’s bells?! London can frog-off – Froggy says, let’s make Blackpool the new capital city of the UK! Blackpool is much more fun and a true representation of all things British!

It’s a fun, friendly, vibrant city where anything goes. It’s got a great funfair – fantastic for entertaining international diplomats or a place to take president Donald Trump on his next visit! Gifts galore in Blackpool that we can bestow on foreign delegates; whether it’s Blackpool rock or sugar dummies or green candy floss, Blackpool has everything we need to make an impression. What better introduction to our fantastic United Kingdom.

The Queen and royal family could move into Blackpool tower. What could be more fitting for our hard working royal family than a penthouse suit at the top of Blackpool tower?

There’s plenty of room to deck out a corner of the winter gardens for the new parliamentary building.

Blackpool has fantastic piers perfect for re-introducing public hangings from.  Froggy doesn’t ordinarily advocate the death penalty generally but in the case of executing stupid people and making some money back on entry fees Froggy says, YES!

So, I think it’s a clear cut case for Blackpool as the new capital of the United Kingdom. It’s much more a reflection of our self, society and politics!

Froggy knows best!

Click to find out more about Blackpool

Blackpool Pleasure Beach Website

 

roller coaster ride
Photo by Angie on Pexels.com

 

 

Social media sluts

man person people emotions
Photo by Gratisography on Pexels.com

Do we have to listen to endless social media hooked simpletons whining on about how everyone is so against them and out to get them? The’ woe is me brigade’ – poor me, myself and I – feel sorry for me! We all know one or more. We are not being kind by harbouring their tales of woe on the likes of Facebook. These sad rejects lacking in any emotional intelligence should be taken off all social media platforms. In the spirit of the true purpose of social media these miserable wretches should be filmed whilst crowds of onlookers point and laugh and beat them with toilet brushes. Let’s post the clips on social media and enjoy ourselves having finally rid society of another gloomy, desperate emotional black hole weighing down on us!

Froggy knows!

 

 

Froggy fan mail – gay frogs?

Thank you to all my followers for their fan mail, calls, texts, e-mails and gifts. Froggy would love to reply to all of his fans individually but alas it’s not always possible. Occasionally, Froggy feels compelled to reply to, or acknowledge particular communications.

Today I received an e-mail from a concerned follower enquiring what Froggy’s opinion on homosexuals was and whether or not Froggy was gay.

Women who dispose of old birth control pills by flushing them down the toilet have been releasing hormones into the water supply. This has been found to alter the sexual characteristics of certain species of frogs. Some have interpreted this as being the cause of turning frogs gay.

However, more accurately, it seems they are actually causing a medical condition called intersex which also occurs in humans – click here for intersex definition. Some are confusing this with actually turning frogs gay.

Water Pollution Impact – live science.com

The body of a fish or a frog reacts to EE2 as if it were a natural estrogen, “demasculinizing” male animals and creating a condition called intersex that interferes with an animal’s ability to reproduce, Jobling said. Intersex males often produce eggs in their testes.

Froggy says:

Frogs are not gay. People are.

Froggy smiles and croaks. Thanks Dean.

Old people

Froggy says its high time that the slow moving over 50s crowd are tagged and only allowed out into the community during specific time slots that will prevent these slow moving zombies from cluttering up the streets, shops, and supermarkets for the rest of us. They should also be charged a fee if they require entry into a post office. These simple measures will create a more harmonious community.