DNA test dog poo

tan and white jack russell terrier stand on green grass at daytime
Photo by Mircea Iancu on Pexels.com

I am not sure about your town, but in Whitehaven, there is dog shit everywhere. Spread over town like icing on a cake. Paths, grass, streets, parks, piles of it. You can see it. You can smell it. You can slide on it. And in this cold weather, there is frozen shit everywhere, delicately frosted in situ. Enough is enough!

I am not blaming the dogs. Responsibility lies firmly with their disgusting, degenerate owners. It’s time we take DNA samples from all dogs and enter them into a database so we can catch these disgusting, boggle-eyed dog owners and fine them, or organize summary on-the-spot executions of these donkey-brained eejits. Better still, let’s create big tanks of all the dog shit we have to scrape up and put dog owners in it so they can live like they really want to. People are the problem, not the dogs. Clean it up, folks – bag it! It ain’t difficult, it ain’t challenging, it ain’t expensive  – you can manage to clean up dog shit without a Ph.D. education.

Froggy

kisses

Animal Communicators

Missing your pet? Animal Communicators claim to be able to get in touch with your pet after s/he has passed to the other side. Oh yes, these people are out there! Animal Communicators Froggy’s arse!

Can this be? If so, would we want to contact our here departed pets? What would we say to them? What would we hope they might say to us? Well for £39 per hour you may be able to find out!

Would you?

marketing man person communication
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What a lovely dog! Ours is dead.

Dog walking is a great way to meet new people! What an unfortunate thing. I would rather walk my lovely little dog away from people and their self indulgent misery. Quick to corner you on some footpath people are eager to tell you “oh, what a lovely dog!” which isn’t a problem in itself until invariably it is followed by, “I used to have a dog like that. It died. It’s their hearts you know, sometimes their ears, ours suffered for years…”. Why can’t these delinquents get into their miserable old brains that we dont all want to be reminded of the woeful life and death of their little King Charles Cavalier, little Pumpkin.

Some of us, including our pets, are out to enjoy our time together, our walks and fun in the parks. We don’t want these canine depressives bringing us down. Not that we don’t sympathise with their loss but we just don’t want to share in it at this particular time. So, if you are guilty of this, please spare a thought next time you stop someone to admire their dog and it brings back memories of bygone family pets. Share the happy memories please you miserable wretches!

Froggy is very pissed off today so please take the advice offered.

close up of dog on grass
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