Tag: Commentary

DNA test dog poo

tan and white jack russell terrier stand on green grass at daytime
Photo by Mircea Iancu on Pexels.com

I am not sure about your town, but in Whitehaven, there is dog shit everywhere. Spread over town like icing on a cake. Paths, grass, streets, parks, piles of it. You can see it. You can smell it. You can slide on it. And in this cold weather, there is frozen shit everywhere, delicately frosted in situ. Enough is enough!

I am not blaming the dogs. Responsibility lies firmly with their disgusting, degenerate owners. It’s time we take DNA samples from all dogs and enter them into a database so we can catch these disgusting, boggle-eyed dog owners and fine them, or organize summary on-the-spot executions of these donkey-brained eejits. Better still, let’s create big tanks of all the dog shit we have to scrape up and put dog owners in it so they can live like they really want to. People are the problem, not the dogs. Clean it up, folks – bag it! It ain’t difficult, it ain’t challenging, it ain’t expensive  – you can manage to clean up dog shit without a Ph.D. education.

Froggy

kisses

The Dating Game

frogs PhotoPeople are a bastard and dating is a bastard. So far of the 7 billion people on this great big spinning ball of shite I have only found, say 6 or so, that I am able to tolerate for any period of time. Two of them were on life support and I just had to sit with them and hold their hand. Even that became mildly annoying because I couldn’t reach out and eat the Milk Tray sitting just feet away; still, one moves on. It feels like I have dated all 7 billion people and on that front, I have not found a single one that cuts the mustard. The closest I came to finding my perfect partner was the one who was sporting a grand collection of customer loyalty cards; Starbucks, McDonald’s, Burton’s Menswear, Easy Jet you name it there was a points and bonus card for it. But I had ideas above my station and I had the audacity to want more.

Dating is a bastard and people are a bastard. Here I am. Single. My only hope for finding a partner is the post-Christmas and New Year break-ups. Well, let’s be honest at that time of the year there is an influx of new stock on to the dating circuit.  The broken hearts are rich pickings for us long-term singletons. Dating sites are replenished with rejected partners whose Christmas presents didn’t live up to expectation or whose New Year drinking excesses bought out a little in vino veritas that wasn’t welcome.

I’ll let you know how it all goes, this is one thing froggy isn’t so knowledgeable about.

Frogs Awaaaaaaaay!

Sentence drinkers to transportation to Gabon

clear glass beer mug filled with beer

The time has come to make alcohol less accessible. Let’s save our children, families, property, streets, hospitals and emergency services from the pressures of alcohol use. For too long have we turned a blind eye to the problems generated by alcohol use and misuse. The price of alcohol should triple in cost per unit in the UK. This includes alcohol sold in pubs and clubs and restaurants and supermarkets. Individuals should need to apply for an alcohol license if they wish to be able to legally purchase and consume alcohol. On application they can be checked; their age, background and any criminal tendencies. If the application is successful a microchip alcohol passport would be issued allowing holders to purchase and consume alcohol.

Stiffer penalties for alcohol (and drug misuse generally) should be imposed including but not limited to transportation of convicts to Gabon.

Froggy knows!

Blackpool the new capital of the UK!

What do you think of when you think of London? Expensive? Crowds? Stress? Miserable old Buckingham Palace? Dreary old Big Ben in scaffold clattering away it’s bells?! London can frog-off – Froggy says, let’s make Blackpool the new capital city of the UK! Blackpool is much more fun and a true representation of all things British!

It’s a fun, friendly, vibrant city where anything goes. It’s got a great funfair – fantastic for entertaining international diplomats or a place to take president Donald Trump on his next visit! Gifts galore in Blackpool that we can bestow on foreign delegates; whether it’s Blackpool rock or sugar dummies or green candy floss, Blackpool has everything we need to make an impression. What better introduction to our fantastic United Kingdom.

The Queen and royal family could move into Blackpool tower. What could be more fitting for our hard working royal family than a penthouse suit at the top of Blackpool tower?

There’s plenty of room to deck out a corner of the winter gardens for the new parliamentary building.

Blackpool has fantastic piers perfect for re-introducing public hangings from.  Froggy doesn’t ordinarily advocate the death penalty generally but in the case of executing stupid people and making some money back on entry fees Froggy says, YES!

So, I think it’s a clear cut case for Blackpool as the new capital of the United Kingdom. It’s much more a reflection of our self, society and politics!

Froggy knows best!

Click to find out more about Blackpool

Blackpool Pleasure Beach Website

 

roller coaster ride
Photo by Angie on Pexels.com

 

 

What a lovely dog! Ours is dead.

Dog walking is a great way to meet new people! What an unfortunate thing. I would rather walk my lovely little dog away from people and their self indulgent misery. Quick to corner you on some footpath people are eager to tell you “oh, what a lovely dog!” which isn’t a problem in itself until invariably it is followed by, “I used to have a dog like that. It died. It’s their hearts you know, sometimes their ears, ours suffered for years…”. Why can’t these delinquents get into their miserable old brains that we dont all want to be reminded of the woeful life and death of their little King Charles Cavalier, little Pumpkin.

Some of us, including our pets, are out to enjoy our time together, our walks and fun in the parks. We don’t want these canine depressives bringing us down. Not that we don’t sympathise with their loss but we just don’t want to share in it at this particular time. So, if you are guilty of this, please spare a thought next time you stop someone to admire their dog and it brings back memories of bygone family pets. Share the happy memories please you miserable wretches!

Froggy is very pissed off today so please take the advice offered.

close up of dog on grass
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Social media sluts

man person people emotions
Photo by Gratisography on Pexels.com

Do we have to listen to endless social media hooked simpletons whining on about how everyone is so against them and out to get them? The’ woe is me brigade’ – poor me, myself and I – feel sorry for me! We all know one or more. We are not being kind by harbouring their tales of woe on the likes of Facebook. These sad rejects lacking in any emotional intelligence should be taken off all social media platforms. In the spirit of the true purpose of social media these miserable wretches should be filmed whilst crowds of onlookers point and laugh and beat them with toilet brushes. Let’s post the clips on social media and enjoy ourselves having finally rid society of another gloomy, desperate emotional black hole weighing down on us!

Froggy knows!